The return of the Magnificent...

25th October 2011
Yuck, yuck and triple yuck.
Ullapool has so much going for it but, as previous posts have described, it has no driving test centre. Not such a big deal during the Summer, but, frankly, a bit of a pain when the weather deteriorates.
Just before the driving test starts, the examiner will ask the candidate if they would like their instructor to accompany them during the test. I genuinely don't mind either way. If a pupil wants me to sit in the back of the car for the test that's fine with me (although I cannot say or do anything). Equally, if they prefer not to have me in the car then that's fine too. If I have a pupil on test in Inverness, Alness or Elgin I can wait in the test centre, read, chat with other instructors, catch up on paperwork, arrange lessons. In Ullapool and Gairloch I have to find another way of killing time while I wait for my pupil to return.
Last Tuesday in Ullapool the weather was as filthy as it gets. The normally placid Loch Broom had been whipped into churning black waves with foaming white horses. Any pedestrians brave/stupid enough to be outside had their hoods up and heads down, and scurried across roads with scant regard for approaching traffic. Ullapool was bad enough, but driving over to Ardmair, several of my pupils had their first experience of having to control a car that is being thrown around by the wind and rain.
So, with four of my pupils taking their test the following day, it was an huge relief, on Wednesday morning, to find that the weather had calmed (slightly). It's the little things that can make a difference and even something such as having to vary the windscreen wiper speed can distract a learner driver from more important aspects of their control. Meanwhile, I am very grateful that I had thought to bring my Keela waterproof - not the most stylish, but always bone dry and great protection from the weather, even on an Ullapool test day.
Nothing distracted Seumas. This was his first attempt and, taking the test in his own car, only recorded two driver faults on his way to passing.
Jorine had the next test, at 9.37am. Jorine had not been with me for long, but had had quite a concentrated course, sometimes taking 4 - 6 hours lessons a week. A little bit of pressure because she was intending to return to the Netherlands for a few months in November, meaning that, if unsuccessful, she may have had to wait until next Spring to try again. Fortunately we had no worries and she passed well with just three driver faults. Gelukwensen Jorine.
A previous pupil had recommended me to Alana, who lives right up in Thurso. I know it's stupid, but I always feel a bit more pressure when they have come a long way. A few months ago I had a pupil come up from Glasgow for an intensive course - it was a very big relief when she passed because I dreaded her going all the way home with the thought of having to take her test again. Anyway, Alana spared us any such concerns when she also passed with just two driver faults and went all the way back to Thurso feeling very pleased with herself.
Three out of three, so far. Could we make it four out of four for the day? My 1.33pm test pupil was on her 2nd attempt. She failed her first attempt for being too cautious and hesitant. So recent lessons have concentrated on making her feel more confident at getting the car quickly up to an appropriate speed when it is safe to do so. She asked me to sit in the back for her test and I was very proud of her driving, especially the way she made good progress when it was appropriate. Unfortunately, a slightly rushed manoeuvre meant that her observations were not as good as they should be - one serious fault. But I was very pleased with her driving and I'm confident we'll crack it next time.
So, 3 out of 4 passes in Ullapool, but I had one more Ullapool (well, Achiltibuie) pupil on test, in Inverness the next day. Typically, with a warm waiting room at my disposal (and even up-to-date magazines), it was warm enough to wait outside if I wanted. On her last attempt (also in Inverness) she only had one driver fault (for correcting her bay park), but fatally hesitated at a green traffic light (due to oncoming traffic) and picked up a serious fault. Unfortunately, that last test was beginning to play on her mind and the nerves were creeping in. As she drove back into the test centre it was difficult to tell from her face as to how it had gone, so I was very pleased to see the examiner start filling in the blue pass certificate.
"That was the worse I have ever driven." My pupil said.
"Well it can't have been, otherwise you wouldn't have passed." I suggested.
Mairead passed with 5 driver faults - hardly a bad drive - but, admittedly, not as good as her usual standard. Still, a pass is a pass.
Like all my pupils, when they pass I am almost sad to see them go, especially when they have been so dedicated, as Mairead had been. Still, I can now look forward to seeing how Seumas and Mairead's driving develops when I see them for their Pass Plus course in a month or two.

If Carlsberg ran test centres....

20th October 2011

Picture the scene; four ageing driving instructors are sat in Inverness driving test centre. The year is 2041 and driving test centres have changed. The four instructors sit in plush, comfy chairs with their feet immersed in basins while Hepatitis-free fish give them pedicures. Waiting staff bring them a choice of drinks and a selection of tasty food on demand. The sweet vintage sounds of The Pixies, White Stripes, The Clash et al play on the MP7 player, while a 2 metre 3D television plays sport, comedy or films of their choice.
1st Instructor: "Ahh... Very passable this, very passable."
2nd Instructor: "Nothing like a good cup of cappuccino, eh?"
3rd Instructor: "You're right there."
4th Instructor: "Who'd a thought thirty years ago we'd all be sittin' here drinking the finest Italian cappuccino?"
1st Instructor: "Aye. In them days we'd a' been glad to have instant coffee from a vending machine."
2nd Instructor: "A cup of cold  coffee."
3rd Instructor: "Without milk or sugar."
4th instructor: "Or coffee!"
1st Instructor: "In a filthy, plastic cup."
2nd Instructor: "We never used to have a cup. We used to have to drink out of a rolled up What Car magazine."
3rd Instructor: "The best WE could manage was to suck the coffee granules that were stuck to the spoon."
4th Instructor: "But you know, we were happy in those days, though the DSA were poor."
1st Instructor: "BECAUSE they were poor. Old David Cameron used to say to us, "Money doesn't buy you happiness. We need to make more cuts."
2nd Instructor: 'E was right. I was happier then and the DSA had NOTHIN'. This test centre used to be a dreary, overheated room with blue, metal chairs and a bathroom where the light only came on when you were leaving."
3rd Instructor: "Bathroom? You were lucky to have a BATHROOM! At Elgin test centre we used to have a tiny, dark room, with no no vending machine, just a kettle. And you had to walk next door to the Community Centre if you needed the bathroom."
4th Instructor: You were LUCKY to have a Community Centre. At Grantown test centre there was no room, no bathroom and nowhere nearby if you needed the toilet; you would have to find a plastic bottle."
1st Instructor: "Ohh, we used to DREAM of finding a plastic bottle. At Gailoch test centre, if you needed the toilet, the only way you could get privacy was to wander into a field and squat down in the middle of a flock of sheep. Bathroom? Hhmmph!"
2nd Instructor: "Well, when I say a 'bathroom' it was only an adjoining wall of a building people referred to as the 'test centre', but it were a test centre to us."
3rd instructor: "We were evicted from our test centre. In Ullapool, we had to meet at the Pottery Centre car park, then stand around in the rain, snow and gales, peering through the window, pretending to be interested in pottery for 45 minutes."
4th Instructor: "You were lucky to have a car park! In Gairloch we had to park up on a narrow country lane, stand there in the howling Atlantic weather because the cafe was shut. Then, when you were just about to die from frostbite, you would have to wait even longer because your pupil's test had been held up by a farmer herding his sheep through the village."
1st Instructor: "Frostbite you say?"
4th Instructor: "Aye."
1st Instructor: "You were lucky. At Alness test centre we would have dreamed of dying from frostbite. The few magazines left scattered on the table were so old that you died of boredom before your pupil returned from their test."
2nd Instructor: "Well we had it tough. At Elgin test centre we had to arrive 4 hours early, carry the examiner on our shoulders to the car. Then, if the pupil failed their test, the examiner would leap out of the car and slice us in two with a bread knife."
3rd Instructor: "RIGHT. At Ullapool test centre, we had to arrive 2 days early, walk in front of the examiner, licking the ground clean for him as he walked towards the car. Stand in a blizzard for 3 weeks because our pupil had got buried in a snow drift Then, when the examiner failed the pupil, he would kill us both and dance around on our graves singing "Hallelujah!"
4th Instructor: "But you try and tell the young instructors today that and they won't believe ya."

Blinded by the light

5th October 2011

I'm not a sunglasses person. I feel stupid trying them on in front of those greased up mirrors on the display rack and I never seem to find any that are in any way flattering. And if I do they will certainly be some stupid price. So those deepening lines around my eyes are caused by years of squinting. When driving, however, I don't care how ridiculous I look, I just buy a cheap pair of sunglasses that will eliminate most of the glare and keep them in my car. Now whereas most people would associate sunglasses with the 'Summer', when driving, they become more useful as the days get shorter and the sun gets lower. The glare (and danger) is amplified in the mornings/evenings when the road is wet (or icy or snowy) as my 8.00am pupil found out this morning; as she rounded a corner the sudden glare from the sun and the wet road temporarily blinded her and I had to take the wheel to ensure she kept to our side of the road.
As always, when driving, look well ahead and, if you see the road ahead (especially after a bend) is brightly lit, anticipate the effect on your vision the sunlight will have and adjust your speed as appropriate. Better still, ignore the fact that you will look like some Z-list celebrity and wear effective sunglasses when there is a sharp contrast in light.
We may not have reached the temperatures of more southerly parts of Britain recently, but it has been nice to have the windows open again, and even the air-con on, though I wouldn't necessarily agree with some of my pupils complaining that it has been 'roastin''.
 Just typical! A while back I treated myself to a decent camera after being frustrated with seeing fantastic scenes and only having the pathetic camera on my phone with me. The other morning I awoke to see some very weird and wonderful cloudscapes but, annoyingly, I had left my camera in the car, so the photo (taken with my phone) doesn't do justice to that amazing sky.
While I'm still on the subject of the weather, anyone who has passed their test this year and still not taken the Pass Plus course may want to consider doing so over the next few months. The weather will deteriorate and taking the course will give you more knowledge and confidence if you have to drive in the snow and ice. And it's not just about driving in bad weather; we'll look at night driving, dual carriageways, motorways, rural roads and typical features of town and city roads (such as roundabouts), then you can focus on whatever aspect you feel least confident on.
Also, the Highland Council have recently increased their grant for anyone wishing to take the course so it may be that taking the course will not cost you a penny. There is no test involved and many insurers offer discounts to drivers who have taken the course. You don't even have to have had lessons with me - it could be that your driving instructor wasn't qualified to conduct the Pass Plus course. Call me on 07577 718727 if you are interested.
Congratulations to Kyle, Tricia, Louise, Ross, Lorna, Matthew,  Siobhan and Lisa on recently completing their Pass Plus courses - Feel free to contact me if there is any aspect of your driving that you're still unsure about.
Finally, welcome to J, M, J, A, B, C, C, S, B, Y, L, M, L, D, R, K and Z who have recently started (or are about to start) lessons with me - hope you enjoy them.

It never rains .......

21st September 2011

Loopallu has been and gone, more of my lessons include the use of headlights and X Factor and  Strictly... are beginning to dominate the television schedules. These are the modern indicators of Autumn; it would be impossible to tell from the weather because it is just as wet and windy as the Summer.
I feel sorry for the tourists this year - they have not seen the Highlands at its finest. In Ullapool this morning the weather was atrocious and tourists sat huddled in hotels and cafes wondering why they decided to come here in the first place. It is bin day in Ullapool and the empty wheelie-bins being blown over only added to the miserable scene. But never mind the tourists, I have my pupils to think about.
Unusually, I only have one pupil on test today (lots of pupils waiting for tests though). If you read my post on my other blog, you may remember that I tempted fate by saying I was 99.9999% sure he would pass. As his test began the weather was worsening. It was bad enough in the relative shelter of Ullapool, but, as they drove out to Ardmair bay, the mass of rain in the wind made for awful driving conditions. So, extra credit to Alexander O'Neil (no, not that one - much to my wife's disappointment) for passing with 3 driving faults. And extra relief for me because I was beginning to regret my last post.
Not much else to report at the moment. I had a quick check on my stats for this blog and for my 'professional' website. I have bored you with this before, but it is sometimes puzzling what search terms people use to find my sites. After mentioning Jedward in a previous post I received dozens of hits from people searching for talentless twosome. Inshes roundabout always generates lots of views, it is obviously of concern to Inverness drivers (and not just learners). Someone had come to my blog after searching for 'L1pps on plenty of fish' ????? No, I have no idea what they were really after. Someone from Russia decided my blog was THE place to read about 'розовая машина' (I wish I knew). And, most bizarrely, yesterday someone clicked on this blog after Googling 'dogging grantown tonight'. I'm not sure whether I am relieved or disappointed that I was 29th in the list of results. But dogging in Grantown? Haven't they seen the weather out there?!

A piece of cake

11th September 2011
A busy day today, but I have half an hour now before my next lesson. But the day began with two tests; one in Elgin, one in Inverness. The words ‘chalk’ and ‘cheese’ spring to mind.
My first test was at 8.40am in Elgin, so it was an early start. I have been getting increasingly casual about what I eat during the day; ‘lazy’ is perhaps more honest. Rather than preparing a balanced lunch, I have been going to cafés or grabbing supermarket sandwiches. It’s not so much the calorific content, but if you add up how much it all costs over a week/month it is rather worrying. So, last night, I had good intentions. I decided I would, in the morning, prepare myself a lunch to enjoy whilst my Inverness pupil was on test (assuming she did not want me to sit in on her test - I don’t think it would have created the proper professional impression). But I forgot and, just as I was dashing out the door, I remembered and grabbed a big slab of fruitcake that Irene, our next-door neighbour, had kindly baked for us.
My first pupil began lessons with me after I had started teaching her son. Her son was not the most natural driver I have ever seen, but he was very dedicated and always determined to improve. He passed his test a few months ago with barely any driver faults and she is very proud of the way he drives.
The mum, however, is….. ‘inconsistent’. Perhaps, deep down, I knew she wasn’t ready. I have mentioned her before and moaned about how she constantly said ‘Well, that’s not what my last instructor told me.’ She would drive along, painfully slowly; the reason being because she was spending more time continually checking her mirrors rather than reading the road ahead.
“Why are you checking your mirrors so much?” I asked.
“Because my last instructor told me to.”
“But WHY should you check your mirrors?”
“I don’t know.”
That was a typical exchange. We had another one the other day: I asked her to pull over because her pedal control did not seem as good as usual…
“Try moving your seat back a notch or two.”
“Why? What am I doing wrong? (Very defensive)
“Nothing, but I think we can improve your control. You seem to be hesitant in bring the clutch up and a bit sharp on the brakes.”
“Well my last instructor never told me that.”
She was full of things that a previous instructor had told her to do, but with no understanding of ‘why’. She works several miles from home and has to rely on public transport. With a reduction on bus services she decided that she had to pass her test, so she went ahead and booked it. I know, I know, I know…. It should be me who decides when she takes her test. I know. But I sympathised with her transport problem and perhaps my ego thought I could get her to a good standard in time. My ego was wrong.
Her test wasn’t good. When she relaxes she can drive well, but as soon as something goes wrong it dominates her thoughts and her concentration goes. Whether it was the pressure she put herself under of having to pass, or whether she made an early mistake I don’t know, but it was probably the least successful test I have had in years.
The examiner was honest in their assessment of her driving, but not rude. I didn’t catch all of the conversation but my pupil had obviously tried to argue her way to a pass. Now let’s make this clear: The examiners do not want to fail you. If, in those 40 minutes, you can convince them that you are safe, in control, are considerate of other road users and have a degree of confidence then you will pass. Once you have passed your test you will be in solo control of a potentially lethal weapon. The examiners will not change their mind and pass you just because you ‘need’ your licence. Your driving instructor is the best judge of when you are ready for your test, not you, not your husband, wife, mum, dad, boyfriend, girlfriend or even the man in your road who used to be a driving instructor. But whatever your instructor thinks, it is the examiner you need to convince, and you do that by driving well in your test.
I had no time to dwell on the matter, or even arrange her next lesson; I had another test to get to, 40 miles away in Inverness.
Over the rest of the day, the pupil who had just failed sent me a succession of texts, all moaning about how unfair the examiner had been and asking if there was a form that she could fill in to complain about the examiner. I answered her first text, initially apologising that it had not gone to plan (after all, it was partly my fault for letting her take her test) and explaining that the examiners need to ensure that new drivers are safe drivers. But I advised against complaining about the examiner. But after that first text I didn’t bother replying to the others.
This next pupil, as I suggested earlier, could not have been more different. She undertook a fairly concentrated course of 25 hours of lessons, but went out driving regularly with her dad. Whenever I felt there was something she could work on she would ask me to write it down and she would go away and work on it (if we had not completely fixed it in her lessons). So I was as relaxed as I could be when she set off on her test.
Disaster though! I had left my chunk of Irene’s fruitcake in the boot of my car!
Meanwhile, another deluded text from my first pupil came through, still ranting about the examiner and now turning her attack on me. She said that “…doesnt say much for you because (the examiner) made it clear I wasting money and everybodys time!”
My initial reaction was to text back and remind her how well I had taught her son and perhaps the best thing she could do was to spend time in the car with him, watching how he drives. But, it would have been a waste of a text. And sometimes I can be a nice person, so I decided not to aggravate her already bad day.
My pupil returned from her test, passing well with just two driver faults - a fantastic result. Holly and her dad, who was waiting, were thrilled. I was equally pleased, especially as I could now, finally, have my cake and eat it.

Putting the theory into practice

When I was a teenager riots had proper soundtracks (Ghost Town by the Specials, as opposed to Nero, or whatever was No.1 at the time), the most sophisticated piece of mobile technology was the Sony Walkman and there was no theory test.

Instead, the examiner would, at the end of the driving test, ask a few questions about the Highway Code. I have no idea how this worked. If you had driven badly were you saved by knowing your road signs? And, if you had driven perfectly, could you still fail if you didn’t know what shape the sign for a roundabout was?

I can’t remember if I have written about this before but, at the end of my driving test I was so convinced I had failed (because I had stalled three times) that I didn’t see the point of the examiner asking me the Highway Code questions. Couldn’t he just get on with it and put me out of my misery? As he turned out, he must have been satisfied with my driving because I don’t think I convinced with my answers to the questions. I vividly remember the last question:

Examiner: “When should you check your mirrors?”
Me: “Um…..” (I had no idea) “Um…..” (I’ll take a guess) “…Every ten seconds.”
Examiner: (Sits there looking at his watch for ten seconds) “That’s quite a long time.”
Me: “Oh…..um…. Every five seconds?”
Examiner: (Looks at his watch for five seconds - it still seemed a long time)
Me: Um… quite often.
I didn’t know whether “quite often” was the precise answer he was looking for, but a few seconds later he was telling me I had passed.

So we had it easy compared to anyone who has had to go through the stress of sitting the Theory Test. These days they are expected to know how many centimetres to compress the chest when trying to resuscitate the victim of a traffic accident (4 -5 cm) and how many compressions per minute (100). They are expected to know where to send their appeal if they think their driving test was conducted unfairly. And they are expected to know exactly what to do if, while driving through a tunnel, they realised their vehicle was on fire. Admittedly, it is quite important that you do DO SOMETHING if your vehicle is a 60mph fireball underground and there are no Fire Stations handy, but I doubt that many people have their plan all worked out in advance.
Although it doesn’t cause as much nervousness as the driving part, I have had many pupils who have been very anxious about the theory test.  I guess this is mainly because tests/exams in general tend to make people nervous, but it could be partly because this is the hurdle they need to overcome before they can apply for their test. I have had quite a spate of pupils taking their theory recently. I saw one of my pupils, Seumas, on Facebook, saying that he was nervous about his theory test the next day. One of my former pupils, Andy, gave him some valuable advice about driving 'Make sure you always drive on the left'. (Although I may sometimes be a bit of a pedant, I did restrain myself from pointing out that this does not necessarily always apply). But maybe Andy's advice helped because Seumas passed the next day. Congratulations also to Emma, Jorine, Judith, Julie, Karen and Lawrence on passing within the last week.

The second part of the Theory Test is Hazard Perception. I have to confess, I thought this was a bit of a gimmick when they first introduced it, I don't anymore. To a brand new learner driver, the idea that cars could pull out in front of you, oncoming vehicles could stray onto your side of the road, pedestrians could walk out in front of you and cars could stop dead in front of you with no warning, it all seems a bit far-fetched and exaggerated. This week, in particular, we have seen pedestrians and drivers doing such STUPID things, that I am wondering whether they have been filming a whole new batch of hazard perception clips here.
This morning, Jorine, was driving along Shore St, by Ullapool harbour, and ahead of us, we could see five people having a nice chat IN THE MIDDLE OF A CROSSROADS. I asked her to check her mirror and gradually slow the car as we approached. That would give them time to realise that perhaps they should move. She brought her speed down nice and slow, 2nd gear.....1st gear.... clutch down..... holding the brakes..... still no recognition from the people in the road (it must have been a fascinating conversation they were having).

"Should I toot the horn?" She asked.
"Yes, possibly, but just give them a few seconds." I was sure they would finally realise that they should move.
After another five seconds, with a car approaching us from behind, my patience evaporated and I gave sharp toot on the horn, They just stood there looking at us before finally moving to the pavement.

And it has been like that all week! Twice I have cars approaching us on our side of the road. The first one was (almost) understandable - some Italian tourists turned right out of a petrol station towards us, but forgot that they should be driving on the left (they obviously hadn't see Andy's advice on Facebook). The second car, some Dutch tourists, were heading towards us on the wrong side of a long, straight road - with no junctions for some time previous, it is scary to wonder how long they had been driving like that.
On Wednesday, just as my pupil was about to turn in to Ullapool 'test centre' for her driving test, another Dutch car approached a 'Give way' on our left. The driver saw us (we were maybe three car lengths from the junction) and STILL pulled out in front of us! At least it gave my pupil a chance to practice her emergency stop before the test.
The worse one was on the same road as the chatting pedestrians. My pupil was approaching the Ullapool - Stornaway ferry terminal. Cars waiting to board/exit the ferry have to give way at a crossroads, but usually a policeman directs traffic. As we approached the policeman was giving us a hand signal to stop. We were still a short distance away, so my pupil was just slowing down to a comfortable slow jogging speed. The policeman then clearly gave a 'stop' signal to the cars waiting to board the ferry and waved us on. Just as my pupil went back on the accelerator a (British) car, waiting to board the ferry, ignored the policeman and the 'give way' line and tried to quickly pull out in front of us. Yet another impromptu emergency stop! The policeman yelled at the other car, complimented my pupil on her stop, then returned to the other driver to give him a bollocking. I like a bit of excitement every now and then, but, this week, I think I have had too much.

And all that was before the tests!
Wednesday saw the return of driving tests to Ullapool after, for some reason, having a break in July. It is disappointing that they had only scheduled six tests for the day. Government cut-backs are obviously now extending to DSA examiner overtime. Anyway, I had four pupils on test and, with an extra month to polish their driving to super-shiny perfection, I was very confident in them all passing.

Congratulations to Kyle Menzies on passing, first time, with four driving faults. He had the 8.40am test and asked if I could sit in 'just in case it goes wrong'. Being a slightly damp, very still morning, there were quite a few midges about and, as we all got in the car, about 28 midges joined us. When I accompany a pupil on test I have to sit quiet in the back and not do anything that could be construed as help. But when midges are buzzing around your face, it is very difficult to remain completely still.

Eilidh MacFarlane

13 of the midges remainined in the car by the time Eilidh's MacFarlane's began her test. But I had got used to their company by then, so I did not mind when she also asked me to sit in on her test. A wee bit wizzy round some of the twisting turns on the Ardmair road, but not wizzy enough to worry the examiner, who passed her with just three driving faults. Very well deserved Eilidh. I know how disappointed you were not to pass last time, but I hope you now think it has all been worth it.

Alas, my third pupil did not pass. She will not get another chance for a while as she is returning to university, but I hope she re-books for her next holidays. You were very close yesterday...... Next time.

I have been teaching two sisters from Achiltibuie for the last few months, one in Ullapool and the other in Inverness. There had been some friendly rivalry to see who would pass first. Yesterday it was Tricia MacLennan, who beat her sister to a full licence. Despite your apparent conviction that you wouldn't pass (you are just like your sister), you proved yourself wrong and passed first time. So very well-done Tricia.

To all of you who passed yesterday, don't forget, drive on the left.

Parental peturbation, anarchy and alliteration

11th August 2011

In the light of recent events, I am keeping a watchful eye for any signs of agitation and anarchy in Auldearn, disturbance and disorder in Dyke, or upheaval and unrest in Ullapool. In truth, it is hardly likely.... it just isn't the weather for riots and rampaging. All the Highland hoodies are sensibly at home, only causing chaos and carnage on their Playstations.
In fact, the only signs of anti-establishment behaviour are coming from parents of my pupils. I'm exaggerating of course - my pupils' parents are all wonderful people (who just so happen to pay me money) - but one or two of them have dared to question my methods...
Last week, at the end of a lesson, one of my pupil's mum arranged to pay for a block of lessons in the remaining weeks before his test. "And you're teaching him all the test routes, aren't you?" she asked.
Until last year, the DSA published the test routes for each driving test centre. Consequently, many instructors seemed to teach almost exclusively on these routes. You could almost guarantee that a particular road would have 2 or 3 learner drivers practicing their 3-point turns (alright, 'turn-in-the-roads'), and certain junctions would always have someone practicing their left-reverse (I don't think I have ever seen anyone practicing a right reverse). Then someone at the DSA said 'Hold on a minute. This isn't right. If someone is capable of passing their test they should be capable of driving anywhere.' Quite right, too. So, now, the DSA no longer publish their test routes. They still have them, and driving instructors still use them (they get to know them from sitting in on tests), but at least there has been a slight shift away from repetition of test routes.
So I politely replied "There are no set test routes anymore" and explained that I would make sure her son would be competent and confident wherever they took him on test. It simply wasn't worth getting on my soapbox about it. Perhaps I should have told her the truth. The truth is I am not a nice person, at least not to my pupils. As they progress I will make things increasingly difficult for them. I will take them to the nastiest junctions, ask them to do a reversing manoeuvre in busy roads, and, in short, try to make their lessons as tough as I can. The idea being that, if they can cope with that, then the test should be comparatively easy. After all, once they have passed their test then they will often be on their own, so they need to be able to deal with the tough stuff.
A couple of days later, one of my pupils said that her dad would like to sit in on one of her lessons and would I mind? "Of course I don't mind.... as long as you don't." (it is her lesson, after all). I am always willing to have a pupil's parent/boyfriend/wife/whatever sit in on lessons if they want. But this was the first time in years it has happened. It was only an hour lesson, in Inverness, and I wanted to cover as much as possible to give her dad things to work on in their private practice. Her driving is coming along nicely, so I wanted to concentrate on her weaknesses and made sure that her dad could hear and see all my instruction. At the end of the lesson I turned to her dad to discuss the lesson and what they could work on when practicing.
"Can you tell me the test routes?" was his only question.

A catch-up

1st August 2011

Wow, August already! I miss the 10pm rainbows that we had in June, but I don't miss being woken up by the sunshine at 3am (because I had forgotten to close the blinds).

Sorry that it's been a bit quiet here of late. I actually took time off from instructing in Ullapool to have a mini-holiday. And where did I go? Ullapool! Jane and I spent a few days driving around the west Highlands and enjoying the Tall Ships festival. It was a great weekend and, although the weather wasn't the best, it didn't matter because of the fun atmosphere and the fantastic craic.

Driving-wise it has seemed slightly less manic than usual because  of the lack of driving tests in Ullapool in July. My pupils who are looking for driving tests before they go to university won't agree (and I don't blame them), but it was quite nice to have a month without tests. Meanwhile, everyone taking their tests over the next few months seem to be on course. It's good to see several of my Ullapool pupils wanting to take lessons in Inverness. It makes sense; you don't want to confine your driving to Ullapool for the rest of your life, so surely you would feel more comfortable tackling dual-carriageways, roundabouts, traffic lights and busy traffic for the first time as part of a lesson, rather than a solo experience? The other alternative is the Pass Plus course. You don't have to have taken lessons with me - if your instructor doesn't offer, or is not qualified to teach pass Plus, then give me a call (07577 718727) and I will advise you. And with The Highland Council offering grants of £100 towards the cost (and many insurance companies offering discounts on Pass Plus holders), it almost seems silly not to. By the way, if you ever have to deal with Inshes roundabout in Inverness, I have posted a guide to this on my other blog (http://martinsdriving.blogspot.com/2011/08/you-are-currently-approaching-inshes.html)

Finally, welcome to J, L, N, S, E, K, J, H, F and M, who have all started lessons with me the last few weeks. And welcome back to M, J, J and A, who have restarted lessons after being away for the last few months.

What sort of driver are you?

30th July 2011

The other day an acquaintance drove Jane and I into Inverness. He has been driving for years. I see bad examples of driving every day, but it was very strange being in the car at the time and not saying anything or doing anything about it. We got to our destination and back in one piece, but I’m not sure how. Gear changes seemed completely random, his clearance of other vehicles was alarming, and his speed into bends and junctions was just stupid. I have already confessed to being a reckless driver when I was younger, but it was quite an eye-opener seeing such a bad driver up close.
Last night, I had just finished reading Cloud Atlas for the third time and I needed something else to read. The only thing handy was the Style section of The Sunday Times, which Jane had been reading. Not really my cup of tea, apart from the restaurant review, but then I found a quiz to determine my attitude to fashion. You know the type of thing, you answer a series of multiple-choice questions and, from your answers, you are told what type of person you are. It turns out I am ‘in fashion denial’ and have less interest in fashion than even Mrs Ed Miliband. Doubtless you are not too concerned about my sartorial stance, but it gave me an idea…. I could set you a quiz to find out what sort of a driver you are. Ready?
1. You are taking a journey along a rural road with a 60mph speed limit, then through a village with a 30mph speed limit, then another rural road with a 60mph. You should
a. Drive, within the speed limit, at an appropriate speed, subject to road, traffic and weather conditions.
b. Maintain a steady 40 - 45mph throughout the whole journey.
c. Get there as fast as possible, but why do these other drivers keep getting in my way?
2. You should use your indicators
a. Early enough to indicate your intentions, but not so early so as to confuse.
b. When I work out where I should be going, but it is usually not worth bothering by then.
c. What are indicators?
3. The driving test
a. Should be considered as the minimum requirement to allow you on the road, but you should always strive to continuously improve your driving.
b. We didn’t have driving tests in my day Dear.
c. Is for wimps. Learner drivers should be kept off the roads until five years after they have passed their test.
4. You notice that someone is in the process of overtaking you. You
a. Check your mirrors and the road ahead and maintain a constant speed, but watching out for the possibility that the overtaking vehicle may move quickly back in.
b. Brake and swerve to the left to avoid the maniac.
c. Accelerate - Who do they think they are, trying to overtake me?!
5. You are approaching a roundabout and you want to go straight ahead, taking the second exit. You
a. Check mirrors and keep to the left lane, but looking out for road signs or markings which would indicate otherwise. You bring your speed down progressively, selecting the appropriate gear. When it is safe, you enter the roundabout, keeping to your lane, indicating left as you pass the first exit.
b. Hedge your bets by approaching over two lanes. Stop at the roundabout so that you can work out which way to go. Decide to go anyway (despite the oncoming traffic) and work out which way to go while you are on the roundabout.
c. Obey the Euclidean postulate that the shortest distance between two points is a straight line.
6. You are on a 60mph single-carriageway, with few safe overtaking opportunities. Ahead of you there is a convoy of 15 vehicles, all maintaining a safe separation, being held up by a car driving at 45 mph. Your destination is 4 miles away. You
a. Maintain a safe separation from the vehicle ahead, dropping back further if the vehicle behind gets too close. Even if was safe to overtake all the vehicles, we would only get to our destination approximately one minute earlier, so it is pointless considering it.
b. Are the vehicle doing 45mph at the front of the queue.
c. Floor it, overtaking as many vehicles as you can, trailing a cloud of fumes behind you and thinking that all the drivers you are overtaking must think you have a great car and are the world’s greatest driver. You brake and squeeze into the gaps that these vehicles have left when oncoming lorries flash their lights at you, giving them the finger as they avoid you by inches.
7. You are driving in the Highlands when you see the most spectacular view. You
a. Look for somewhere safe, legal and convenient to pull over and take a look.
b. Slow down or even stop right there. Take some photos from the window of your vehicle, then drive off just as the following vehicle is overtaking you.
c. I haven’t got time for ‘views‘.
8. You hear an emergency vehicle siren. You
a. Check your mirrors to see how close the following vehicle is, then try to establish where it is coming from. If it is on your road you try to decide if the best course of action would be to slow down or stop. Then, as they pass, you look for the possibility of there being more emergency vehicles before considering whether an indicator would be necessary or helpful.
b. Panic and stop.
c. Wind the window up because the noise is interrupting your phone call.
9. A learner driver is stopped at an uphill traffic light in front of you. You
a. Keep a good separation distance, allowing for the possibility that the car may roll back or stall.
b. Stop right behind the car and panic when the learner starts rolling back.
c. Stop millimetres behind the car and blast your horn within 2 seconds of the lights changing to green.
10. You are on a winding single-track road with occasional passing spaces. You
a. Drive at an appropriate speed, keeping an eye on where the passing spaces are. When you see an approaching vehicle you check the situation behind you and look for an opportunity for you or the other driver to safely keep to the left. You acknowledge the other driver as they pass and consider whether a signal would be helpful.
b. Wonder why the vehicle in your way is having to reverse.
c. Expect any approaching vehicle to bow down to your superior vehicle and get out the way.
How did you get on? If you answered
Mostly ‘B’s - You are a tourist.
Mostly ‘C’s - You are an Audi driver (or possibly a Subaru Impreza, or a 1997 Vauxhall Corsa pimped to the max).
Mostly ‘A’s - You are a liar. (although I will give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you are one of my pupils).

Public Image Ltd

July 6th 2011

I burnt my wrist whilst doing some experimental cookery the other day. I didn’t think too much about it at the time but, this morning, as I was drawing a diagram for my pupil I noticed the unsightly burns and became quite self-conscious about it. Nothing I could do, as I was wearing a short-sleeved shirt, and it was ridiculous to consider that my pupil may have been bothered by it… she probably didn’t even notice it.

Last Summer I was enjoying a day off when one of my pupils called and asked if she could try and fit in an extra lesson before her test. The only possible time was that afternoon and, having nothing special planned, I agreed to give up a couple of hours of my afternoon to try and boost her confidence. Being my day off, I was wearing knee-length shorts and a T-shirt, with flip-flop things on my feet. I usually don’t give the slightest consideration to my appearance, as my wife will testify, except when I am working. As soon as I picked my pupil up I became quite embarrassed about the fact that I was not dressed for work.

Ever since I started as an instructor I have always worn a shirt and trousers (or smart jeans) and I usually wear a tie (unless it is too warm). I feel much more comfortable in old jeans and a T-shirt, but, when teaching, I am trying to portray a professional appearance. I am sure that many of my pupils probably don’t even notice what I wear, but even if only one does, then it is worth the effort. It is not just clothes. There are all sorts of factors which may change the perception a customer (or potential customer) may have of me as an instructor. Are my hands clean? It may sound silly, but my pupils have to touch the same controls that I have been touching (and I keep anti-bacterial wipes in my car for when the odd pupil doesn’t look to have the cleanest of hands).

Is my car clean inside and out? There have been some weeks when I have cleaned my car four times, but it doesn’t look good if my car is dirty. And, with the exception of my diary, my laptop, an A4 notebook and some choice CDs , I try to keep the interior of my car as clear as possible. Of course my driving has to be exemplary too. I have seen other instructors speeding, smoking in their car, parking in inappropriate places and even using their mobiles while driving. But, if I noticed it, then it is possible that a potential customer noticed it too.

When I was with BSM there was a junction near to the Inverness office with a road sign indicating ‘No right turn’, but in small letters beneath it said ‘For vehicles over 3 tonnes’. People used to call Eddie, the office manager at BSM, and complain that they had seen an instructor turning right into that road. And it wasn’t the only time that someone would call and comment on something that they had seen a BSM car do. Of course, I’m sure their own driving was completely without fault.

Last Thursday afternoon, I was driving between lessons in Ullapool, listening to the women’s semi-final at Wimbledon on radio 5live. Maria Sharapova was beating Sabine Lisicki and, being a pleasant warm day, I had the windows open. I was slowing down to approach a cross-roads when Sharapova gave her most enthusiastic grunt. Instantly, every pedestrian within earshot turned to look at my car. I was hoping that she would do another so that everyone would (hopefully) realise it was the tennis, but she had won the point with that shot, so I drove away from the area with all those people probably wondering what on earth was going on in my car. Orgasmic shrieks are not really what you want to hear from the windows of a driving instructors car.

I recognise that face!

JUNE 26th 2011

When your dog has this expression on their face, it may be time to consider hanging up the car keys.

Va va voom

JUNE 25th 2011

As promised, I got my Clio back this morning. I had begun to get used to the Peugeot, but it did feel nice being back in my car – the clutch is much more forgiving and the steering has more ‘feel’.

When Matthew took his test last week the examiner looked at the Peugeot and asked me “Why have you gone and got yourself one of these?!” He obviously wasn’t impressed.

It wasn’t the first time examiners have turned their nose up at a car. When I was with BSM and had a Fiat 500, the examiners would often make disparaging comments about it. One time, at the start of a test, the examiner asked my pupil to pop the bonnet and tell him how he would check the oil level. As my pupil lifted the bonnet, the examiner looked into the engine and asked “Where’s the rubber band?”  The cheek!

Nobody likes a smartarse

JUNE 22nd 2011

I had very little experience of teaching anyone to drive before I became a driving instructor. The only time I can think of was when I was Landlord of The Cross Keys, Totternhoe. One of my bar staff said that she wanted to learn to drive and could I teach her? ‘No problem, I thought. I had been driving for over ten years by then, thought I knew everything there was to know about driving and would be happy to pass on my expertise to someone else.

I am having a mental block and cannot remember her real name – we called her ‘Squirty’, in reference to her verbal diarrhoea. I think I had an old Ford Mondeo, but, obviously, no dual-controls. The pub car park wasn’t the biggest, but I thought it would be an ideal area to teach her how to get the car moving, do a bit of steering, then she would be able to drive out of the village (looking back, I obviously had no idea then of how to teach someone to drive). Needless to say, we never even got out of the car park and I don’t know if she ever learned to drive.

When I met Jane, my wife, her eldest daughter, Rachel, had already passed her driving test. Then, a few years later, her other daughter, Anna, took lessons and passed her test in Inverness while I was still working in Cambridgeshire. So I had no input when it came to how either of them drive (so don’t blame me). Anna’s boyfriend, Ross, is 23 but had never got around to learning to drive. It’s his decision if he wants to learn to drive, or not, so I have never interfered. When Anna and Ross discovered that Anna was expecting their second child, they decided that perhaps it was time Ross finally learned to drive.

So, this morning, it was Ross’ first attempt at the driving test. No matter how much I try to relax my pupils, they will be nervous. I have only ever had two, maybe three pupils who genuinely did not seem even the slightest bit nervous before their test. Ross was definitely not one of those.

What is there to be nervous about? It could be various reasons:

It is your first test and you are not sure what will happen.

It is not your first test and you know what is going to happen.

You are not confident in your driving.

Your lessons have not been going as well as you would have liked recently.

You just don’t like exam situations.

You have heard stories about certain examiners or things they might ask you to do.

You don’t want to go through it all again.

It could be any, some, or none of the above. I would guess, however, that the most likely reason is the worry of what others might think. Think about it; if no-one knew about your test, would it matter quite so much if you did not pass?

I only remember bits and pieces of my own driving test, when I was 17. But I clearly remember being told that both my parents, my aunties and uncles, my grandparents and my cousin had ALL passed first time…. No pressure then.

I stalled three times in my test and was absolutely convinced I had failed. As we approached the end of the test, all I could think about was my younger brothers finding it hilarious that I had been the first in our family to have failed. Fortunately, my examiner considered that, even having stalled, I had demonstrated that I was safe and (usually) in control, so he passed me and I couldn’t wait to tell everyone.

I think this especially true in Ross’ case. He was nervous because he was probably worried about what Anna, his friends and his family might say. The thing is, because I know his family, and because his girlfriend is my step-daughter, I also felt that same pressure and (stupidly) wondered what they might think about my qualities as a driving instructor if I didn’t get Ross through his test, first-time, with flying colours.

Therefore, I was as happy as Ross when he passed with 3 minor faults. And I was straight on the phone to Jane before Ross had even got out of the car (I allowed him the pleasure of telling Anna the good news).

So everybody’s happy today. Being the dad of his girlfriend, however, I have been robbed of something I could tease him about. Unfortunately, for Ross, there is one thing about which I can tease him: His test was today, Wednesday morning at 10.44am, and we had planned a final lesson on Tuesday evening, after he finished work. Late Monday night he text me to ask “Is it tomorrow night my lesson?” I could not resist replying “Unless you would rather leave it until after your test?”

Don’t you just hate it when your girlfriend’s dad is a smartarse.

Reasons to be cheerful

JUNE 20th 2011

A very happy bunny today as the garage have just called and told me I can collect my Clio later this week.

I had been getting a wee bit concerned as it is over 3 weeks since they collected it and I had not heard anything. The Peugeot has been ok as a replacement, but it is not as good to learn in as the Clio and I will be glad to get my car back. It will be nice to have that extra bit of power, a better biting-point on the clutch, five doors instead of three, a colour that doesn’t highlight every single midge-splat and, most importantly, a better bass on the CD player.

Look before you leap

JUNE 18th 2011

When I first became an instructor I often looked at driving instructor forums – either BSM’s or independent ones – for news and advice. You should never stop learning, but I rarely look at the forums these days.
One topic that would crop up from time to time is ‘observations as you approach a junction’. Should you look ‘left-right-left’? Or ‘right-left-right-left-right-left-right’? What is correct? Answer: It depends on the circumstance.
As you approach a T-junction, if you can see more clearly to the right, for example, then look right, then look left as that view becomes clear. By now, the situation may have changed on the right, so look right again, and so on, until you are 100% that it is clear on BOTH directions.
If you are approaching a crossroads, then you can usually have an early look at the situation in the road ahead long before you need to consider the left and right, but you will probably need to check the road ahead again as you near the junction.
Where should the last check be? Regardless of the type of junction, your last check should always be in the direction you are about to go. It is very tempting, especially when emerging left, to look to the right as you are starting to accelerate. This is NOT a good idea; anything could be happening in the road you are about to accelerate into.
A few years ago I had been teaching my pupil roundabouts. I had been explaining that, if approaching vehicles were in the outside lane, or moving to the outside lane, then it may be safe to go (NOT ALWAYS). She had been progressing nicely on the numerous roundabouts on Inverness’ South Distributor Road, so we went to have a look at (the infamous) Inshes roundabout, a large, spiral roundabout that seems to terrify learners and experienced drivers alike. It was busy and we had to stop and wait for a gap in the traffic. We waited. And waited. I reassured her that there was no urgency, we just needed to be ready so that, when a safe gap appeared, we could go. Of course, both of us are looking to the right, thinking ‘maybe after this car… no, maybe after this car…… no, maybe after this car, etc.’ Then, all the cars that were coming round started moving over to the very outside lane. I could see her about to release the handbrake when I looked to the left. The reason all the cars were moving to the outside lane was because a car (maybe someone not from these shores) was driving the WRONG way round the roundabout! I got my dual brake and clutch down just as Libby was releasing the handbrake.

Similarly, there was another time when my pupil was waiting at Shore Street roundabout. This is another spiral roundabout in Inverness, and I think this one is even worse because the vehicles come round at an higher speed so you have to be fairly quick off the mark. My pupil could not see a gap so had applied the handbrake. I could again see his fingers clenching on the handbrake when I asked him to look left: Two dozy pedestrians were crossing the road, from left to right, in front of my car just as my pupil was about to go.

This is obviously what happened to the bus driver who hit my car a few weeks ago. He, like us, was having to sit and wait for a gap in the traffic. It is easy to get so focused on looking right to see where the gap is, that you forget to look left before you accelerate. He must have seen the gap, (wrongly) assumed my pupil had moved off and accelerated, without looking first….. straight into the back of us.

The other morning I was heading for my first lesson of the day in Forres. There were two cars in front of me as we approached a roundabout. The first car was indicating left, the second car, a BMW (not an Audi this time), was not indicating. I assumed they were going straight ahead but you never can tell. One other consideration – a pedestrian was walking towards the roundabout’s first exit. The first car (and I) saw this, the BMW driver obviously didn’t. We could all see that the roundabout was nice and clear, with no cars approaching. The first car saw the pedestrian now crossing the road he/she was about to turn into and stopped. The BMW was only looking right, saw a nice big gap, accelerated and had to brake VERY hard to avoid going into the back of the first car. He/she must have been literally millimetres away from hitting them.

Understandably, given recent events, I have become slightly twitchy about such things, but it is quite scary how easily these things happen.

Panic in the streets of Ullapool

JUNE 16th 2011

Test day in Ullapool again. Only three pupils on test today, two first-timers and one having his second attempt. Unusually, for Ullapool, all three of my pupils have the luxury of a lesson before their test; usually here, my pupils meet me at the ‘test centre’ while we wait for the previous pupil to complete their test, then they may get 5 – 10 minutes practice before their test time.

Phil had the 8.40am test and this was his second attempt. He had been very keen to get a lot of hours in before this attempt and it paid off as he passed easily, with 5 minor (sorry, ‘driving’) faults (we are not supposed to refer to them as ‘minor’ faults).

Sadly, my next pupil (on her first attempt) wasn’t so successful, not giving adequate clearance to parked cars and failing to cancel a left indicator.

On the day before each test I send a text message reminding my pupil to bring BOTH parts of their licence with them. Then, when I meet them before the test, the first thing I do is to ask them if they have their licence. My 3.27pm test pupil was no different.

She had previously been having lessons with another instructor in Inverness before moving to Ullapool and BSM Inverness had been very kind in recommending me to her. This was her first attempt. When I first met Judith she seemed a nice driver, but her confidence did not match her ability. When I questioned her about it she said that sometimes in her lessons she would do something and her previous instructor would say “THAT would fail you” and, eventually, it knocked what confidence she had. I prefer a different method of instruction: If a pupil makes a mistake, that mistake should be analysed and the possible consequences discussed. Those consequences do not include ‘That would cost you your test.’

She is from the Netherlands and we had a funny moment a few weeks ago. A nice sunny day in Ullapool and the harbour area was full of tourists. She was about to turn right into a road and did not anticipate the group of tourists walking out into the road she was about to enter. It was safe for her to enter the road, but she began to accelerate before she fully appreciated the situation. I braked for her as the pedestrians continued crossing the road and, when it was safe, she drove on. But she was muttering and her face was scarlet. “Were you right to do what you did?” I asked. “Oh, it’s not that,” she replied, “I know I was in the wrong, but it was what they said.” “I didn’t catch what they said.” “No… it was in Dutch.” They had said something like “That girl needs her lessons”, nothing offensive, but I would have been very tempted to have driven around and said something in Dutch back to them… My pupil is obviously more mature than I am.

We had a nice hour’s lesson beforehand and arrived for the test with a few minutes to spare. Being the last test of the day, the examiner was obviously keen to get going as he was already walking over towards us.

“Just drive as you have been doing and you’ll be fine.” I assured my pupil. “Geoff (the examiner) is already here, so take your licence and say ‘hello’ to him”.

She grabbed her bag and looked for her licence. “#@%£!!!” (Dutch expletive). She looked in another section of her bag. “F@(&!!!” (Anglo-Saxon expletive). She looked at me. “I haven’t got my licence.”

Silence…….

“Oh!……Oh!…… I know what I’ve done. I’ve left it in the café where I was having lunch. My friends should still be there.”

I got out the car, explained the situation to Geoff and asked if I could have two minutes (a bit optimistic). “Hurry up.” He said (but in a nice way). Leaving Judith with Geoff, I got in my car and dashed to The Ceilidh Place (keeping within the speed limits, of course!). If this had been a film, The Race by Yello would have been the soundtrack. I reversed into the tightest of gaps, found her friends and they rummaged through a rucksack to (eventually) find her licence. It had started to rain, so, by the time I got back to them, Geoff and my pupil were looking quite soggy. She looked at me as though I had rescued her from a fire-breathing dragon and she was on her way.

Not the best way to start a test – I shouldn’t think it did much for her nerves – but she later said that the examiner had been really nice and had completely relaxed her whilst they waited for me. Anyway, she passed, with six driving faults and gave me a big hug as a thank you for my dash to get her licence.

It felt a bit strange only having three tests, but, with seven other hours of lessons, I’m not complaining. So, very well done to Phil and Judith on their success today. And thank you to Geoff for not being a jobsworth and giving Judith and I a bit of extra time to sort ourselves out. In future I won’t just ask my pupils if they have their licence, I will get them to hand it over to me. It could have easily been a much more costly lesson.

Stepping stone

JUNE 10th 2011

I struggle to remember my own driving lessons; they were further back than I care to admit. I remember my instructor had a VW Polo, with which I was very impressed, it had a solid, chunky feel. Apart from the first lesson, which was up and down some of the rural roads surrounding Billington, my lessons seemed to consist of driving along the road between Leighton Buzzard and Heath & Reach, doing a 3-point turn, driving back, doing a left reverse, driving back, etc. Although we did one, I can’t remember actually doing an emergency stop, although I do remember my instructor telling me he would have to charge me extra (‘for wear’) when I asked if we could practice the emergency stop before my test.

I remember he seemed really old to me (but my pupils probably think that about me now), and I found it very disconcerting how he would grab my hand when I was struggling to get it into the correct gear (such a bony hand too).

The only other thing I can really remember is my first lesson. It probably wasn’t the case, but, on approaching a left turn, it seemed that the instruction was

 “Turn left up ahead. CheckyourmirrorsindicatenowbrakechangegearBRAKE..Too late…..we’ll try the next one.”

‘ WHHAAATT!?!?!’ Was my reaction. ‘Are you mental? How on earth can you expect me to do all those things at once?!’ I thought. It seemed ludicrous that so many things had to be done in such a short space of time. So now I take great care in explaining to pupils that, if they begin the M-S-M process early, there is no panic and they should find they have ample time to check mirrors, indicate, think about their position, get to the correct speed, choose the correct gear and look at the situation before they commit themselves to any turn. And, if they do begin the process late, they can still give themselves more time by using the brakes progressively.

As I have mentioned before, it is always rewarding when I see my former pupils driving around. They always seem so confident and competent; very different from their early lessons. Yesterday in Ullapool, towards the end of a marathon 10 hour day, I parked to make a phone call and three of my former pupils, Jayanne, Michael and Karen, approached me and we had a brief chat. They have spent the last year in university, travelling the world and getting up to who knows what. So I asked them the incredibly lame “How’s the driving going?’ ‘How’s the driving going?’ ?!?! They were great drivers over a year ago. They have driven campervans on the other side of the world. They probably perform quadratic equations in their head and recite Hamlet backwards when they drive. They won’t be giving a second thought to their driving by now. But, to me, I still think of them as my pupils. I still remember when they stalled when moving off, or made a complete mess of a parallel park, or sat at a junction waiting for an oncoming car that was three miles away.
So I was just their stepping stone. They have long since crossed that river and doubtless never give me a thought as they reverse into a bay at the supermarket or negotiate a busy roundabout in Glasgow. At least I can console myself that they don’t remember me as that stingy old man who used to place his bony hand on mine when I changed gear.